Super Paper SpongeBob
by Warshwallow
Summary: Count Bleck and Plankton have teamed up and taken Mr. Krabs hostage! Can SpongeBob and his friends battle the Count's minions and save the Krabby Patty formula before it's too late? Find out in this Karate Island-style parody!
1. And So it Begins

"Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob called, bursting into his boss's office.

But the office was empty. There was no sign of the old crustacean anywhere.

After a brief hesitation, SpongeBob called out again. "Mr. Krabs?"

No answer.

"Where could he be?" SpongeBob muttered.

Squidward was busy sleeping on the job, while angry customers stood in line, tapping their feet and checking their watches.

"Squid-waaarrrrd!"

The cephalopod woke with a start. "Huh? Wha?" he stammered. When he saw the yellow sponge standing beside the cash register, Squidward groaned. "What is it now, SpongeBob?"

"I can't find Mr. Krabs anywhere…what should we do?"

"_We? _Why don't you-"

The person at the front of the line (the same person featured in the _Bubble Buddy _episode) snarled, "Two hours is long enough!"

"Okay, okay!" Squidward snapped. "SpongeBob, we'll find Mr. Krabs later. Get back behind the grill or we'll lose all our money!"

"Lose money? Nooo!" a familiar voice wailed.

"Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob cried joyfully.

"Bleh-heh-heh…not for long…" a harsh voice cackled.

Out of nowhere, a mysterious man appeared. He had a bluish-purple face with one bulging, glowing red eye. The other eye was covered with a glass monocle. He wore a white top hat, a multicolored cape, and white gloves, and he carried a jeweled scepter. He also wore an air helmet on his head.

Next to him was a long, flat cage. Trapped inside was none other than Mr. Krabs!

"Hey! Just what do you think you're doing with him?" Squidward demanded.

"Bleh-heh-heh! I have captured your boss because only he holds the secrets to the Krabby Patty formula."

SpongeBob gasped. "I bet Plankton is behind this!"

"That's right!" Plankton sneered, appearing on the evil man's shoulder. "You see, Count Bleck and I have made a deal. If he uses his powers and minions to help me get the Krabby Patty formula, I use my super technology to help him destroy the world!"

"You won't get away with this, Plankton!" Mr. Krabs spat from inside the cage.

"Oh, no, Eugene, I already have!" Plankton roared. "AHAHAHAHA!" Clearing his throat, he added, "Count, that little clown of yours has really taught me the basics of a good evil laugh!"

"Glad to hear that, Sheldon," the Count said. Turning to SpongeBob and Squidward, he snarled, "So, can you save your precious boss before I destroy him completely?"

At that moment, Mr. Krabs began to sob.

"Yes, we can!" SpongeBob declared. "'Cause we're not going down without a fight!"

Sandy, who had been conveniently strolling by with Patrick, burst in. "Did somebody say _fight_?"

Patrick followed her. "Ooh! Are we going to play a game?"

"Sandy! Patrick! Squidward!" SpongeBob cried. "Please…you've got to help me save Mr. Krabs!"

"SpongeBob, me boy!" Mr. Krabs whimpered. "Don't kill yerself!"

"Don't worry, Mr. K. We're coming to get ya!"

"Bleh-heh-heh! Then let's not delay! BLEH-HEH-HEH! BLECK!" He raised his arms.

The customers, their food long forgotten, screamed and scurried out of the Krusty Krab.

The four heroes were sucked into a purple vortex, determined to save the Krabby Patty formula…and the world.


	2. All Brawn and No Brain

Groaning, the four heroes awoke in a vast, dark room wearing water helmets (except Sandy). Tall torches flickered with black flames, and black chandeliers dangled from the ceiling.

"Where are we?" Patrick asked, his voice shaking. "I don't like this place!"

"Yeah, I could be relaxing at home by now!" Squidward added resentfully.

"Guys, we're here to save Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob cried. "The fate of the Krusty Krab is in our hands, and Mr. Krabs is counting on us! We can't back down now!"

"Well, maybe I'll get a pay raise if this mission is successful," Squidward mumbled.

"Come on, let's go!," Sandy said briskly, opening the tall black double-doors. "We've got no time to waste!"

As the little party headed into the next room, a great bearded brute of a man fell from the ceiling and hit the ground with an enormous _thud_.

"Oi! Are yeh the lil' sea critters comin' teh save the crab?"

"Uh-huh. And FYI, I am a _land _critter," Sandy boasted. "I'm 100% mammal."

"I dun' care!" the brute bellowed. "O'Chunks is me name! I can smash yeh to bits with just a bat o' me pielash!"

Confused, the group looked at each other (except Patrick, who whined, "Now I'm hungry!").

Squidward stepped forward. "I think you mean 'eyelash'," he corrected.

O'Chunks's face clouded over for a moment. In a rage, he stomped his feet.

"Whatever! Now which one o' yeh is willin' teh face me chunks?"

To everyone's surprise, Patrick jumped up. "Both of us have one thing in common-all brawn and no brain! I'm gonna do it!"

"Patrick, no!" SpongeBob yelled.

"It's okay, SpongeBob! I'm big enough to face this weirdo on my own!"

O'Chunks roared. Patrick roared in response.

Sandy grabbed Squidward and SpongeBob by the scruffs of their necks and dragged them back towards the wall.

The two husky buffoons charged at each other and collided.

Squidward cringed. "Gaah! The amount of stupidity in this room is painstakingly high!"

The three bystanders watched helplessly as their friend and O'Chunks wrestled to the ground. They looked on as the monster took the starfish by the ankles and swung him around and around. Patrick, after being sent flying, landed right on O'Chunks's head.

"GET OFFA' ME!" O'Chunks howled.

Once again, he launched Patrick into the air, and once again Patrick's backside made contact with O'Chunks's skull.

That was the last straw. O'Chunks pummeled Patrick right in the face.

"Patrick!" SpongeBob wailed.

Luckily, the sea star was able to get back on his feet and throw himself like a torpedo into O'Chunks's torso.

"Let's get outta here!" Sandy cried, shoving SpongeBob and Squidward through the next set of doors.

As the doors slammed shut behind the three remaining heroes, a muffled scream sounded. "My name's…not…RIIIIIIIICK!"

.


	3. You Fight Like a Girl!

With Patrick gone and still a long way to go, SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward prepared themselves for their next battle.

A young girl in a pretty orange, polka-dotted dress stood before them. Her skin and hair were a strange shade of green and she wore a snobbish expression on her face. She looked to be about Pearl's age.

"_You're _one of that crazy count's minions?" Squidward asked, puzzled. "You look like an adolescent grasshopper!"

"Shut your ugly mouth!" the green girl snapped. Then her voice became sickly sweet. "I'm Mimi, but you can call me Mimikins if you want! Tee-hee!"

SpongeBob giggled. "Hi there, Mimikins! I'm Sponge-"

Squidward smacked SpongeBob on the head.

"_Ouch,_" SpongeBob muttered.

"We don't need any of your smart-aleckness!" Sandy said to Mimi. "Now, let us through before I send you to time-out!"

Mimi scoffed. "As if! Please, take a bath before those fleas in your fur cause an infestation." Sneering, she added, "Oh, wait…they already have!"

Sandy's fur bristled and her tail flicked. Baring her teeth, she growled, "Ooh, you've got a lotta nerve! Step aside, boys…I'll show this lil' brat what a real Texas whoopin' looks like!"

"Sandy, are you sure?" Squidward worried.

"Sure as ever!" Sandy whooped, grinning. She ripped off her air suit to show her disturbingly sinewy, bikini-clad body.

Mimi's face burned red. "TRUE MIMI, COME FORTH!" she screamed.

At once, her head jerked to the side, and her neck bones cracked. Her eyes became hollow and black.

"What in Neptune's name…" Squidward whispered.

Mimi's head began to spin around completely, with her neck bones still cracking hideously. The head stopped spinning while upside-down.

Suddenly, six long- spiderlike legs sprouted from Mimi's head.

"EWW!" Squidward and SpongeBob yelled simultaneously.

Even Sandy was disgusted. She took a few scared steps back.

"Mimimimimi…" the she-spider hissed.

The squirrel regained her confidence. "HIII-YAAA!" she yelped, leaping into the air and karate-chopping one of Mimi's legs. The leg fell to the floor and Mimi wobbled slightly.

"Ugh!" the creature groaned. "How did you…"

"Hi-YA! Hiiiiii-YA-ya!"

Another leg was severed.

"Filthy squirrel!" Mimi shrieked. She birthed a sharp-ended, ruby-red jewel and launched it at Sandy.

"Oof!" The jewel had stabbed Sandy in the leg.

"Oh, no! She's hurt!" SpongeBob cried.

"I'm fine, SpongeBob! It was just a little cut!" Sandy was laughing and having the time of her life; she had never battled anything quite this big.

But her delight was short-lived. Mimi sent an entire wave of the rubies and Sandy had to weave in and out of them to avoid being impaled.

"Let's go before things get ugly!" Squidward urged SpongeBob toward the next door.

"But what about Sandy? She'll be killed!" SpongeBob was on the verge of tears.

"I promise I'll make spider stew outta this freak!" Sandy called, standing on Mimi's head. "I can beat her with a blink of an eye. It's just like a rodeo!"

"She's right! Come on!" Squidward agreed, taking the little yellow sponge by the shouders and ushering him into the next room.

"Yee-haw!" Sandy hollered behind them, snapping another one of Mimi's legs.


	4. A Battle of High Intellect

"Two of us down, two to go!" Squidward complained as he and SpongeBob entered the next room. "At this rate we'll never make it to Mr. Krabs."

"Do you think Sandy and Patrick are okay, Squidward?" SpongeBob asked, his voice trembling.

"Uh, sure! They'll back here in no time!" the squid lied.

"But you just said-"

"_Anyway_," Squidward blurted, clapping a tentacle over the sponge's mouth. Suddenly, he looked around. "Hey…where's the enemy?"

"Ahahaha. So glad you finally recognized my absence," a voice chortled.

"Who said that? Are you a ghost?" SpongeBob wondered.

Out of nowhere, a funny-looking jester appeared. He wore a strange theatrical mask that was half-white and half-black.

"I am no ghost, young invertebrate," he purred. "I am-"

"Ooh! You're that clown with the funny laugh Plankton told me about!" SpongeBob cried. "I can laugh like that, too. _Bahahahahahahaha!_"

The comical face on the jester's mask became an angry one. "I am _not _a clown," he said quietly. "I am a _jester_ and a _magician_."

"Can you show me some magic tricks? One time-"

"_SpongeBob!" _Squidward growled.

"Yes, Mr. Calamari, tell your little friend to keep his abnormally large mouth shut." The jester's face returned to normal and he spun around majestically in midair. "I am…Dimentio!"

"_Calamari?" _Squidward said indignantly. "Alright, Di-whatever-io, what makes you think you're so great?"

"For starters," Dimentio began, floating slowly toward the ground, "I can charm you, curse you, jinx you, or hex you. I can fly, and I can teleport." He grinned even wider. "Now what are your special talents?"

Squidward placed a tentacle over his chest. "_I _happen to be one of the greatest clarinet players I know," he boasted. "I also have an extensive knowledge of classic artists, not to mention my fantastic gardening skills."

"Yeah! Squidward's also an amazing friend!" SpongeBob hugged his "friend", who shoved him away.

"Impressive," Dimentio muttered sarcastically.

"Thank you," Squidward replied.

"But Mr. Ward, I am afraid your pansy-growing techniques will serve as useless in a battle against me. Perhaps you've come to the wrong place…" Dimentio's grin evolved into a smirk. "I mustn't waste my time on such foolishness."

"Oh, puh-_lease_! Who are you to call me a fool when you're one yourself…literally!"

"HAH! At least I'm not a spineless, floppy-armed appetizer," Dimentio sneered.

"That's better than having no arms at all!"

"Why don't you go and spend some quality time with the Bloopers."

"Why don't _you _go and cry with the other members of the Phony Harlequin Society!" Squidward shot back. "At least I have some _real _experience of being a jester. Haven't you ever seen _Dunces and Dragons_?"

"What, when you pranced around like a half-baked pony?" Dimentio taunted.

"_Grrrr!" _growled the squid, who had unfortunately run out of insults.

"Okay, guys, break it up," SpongeBob laughed nervously.

Dimentio's wicked grin expanded. "Sorry, lad, but this is nothing compared to what you're about to see. So I'm afraid you'll have to tell your friend _ciao_."

"Oh, yeah?" Squidward snarled. "Take _this_!"

Dimentio received a kick to the face.

"Go, Squidward!" SpongeBob cheered.

Keeping a straight face, the magician snapped his fingers and a kaleidoscope-type light shot from his glove. It hit Squidward in the eye.

"Ouch! That's unfair!"

"Ahahaha. Who said anything about playing fair?" Dimentio cackled.

Suddenly, he vanished and reappeared behind Squidward, booting him with his…boot.

"Ack!" Squidward yelped. "Hey!"

"_Ahahahahahaha!"_

"That's almost as annoying as SpongeBob's laugh," Squidward grumbled.

"SQUIDWARD! LOOK OUT!" SpongeBob screamed.

The magical light was headed Squidward's way. He dodged it by a mere inch.

Frantically, he rummaged through the satchel that he had conveniently brought along. He fished out two cans: one containing canned bread, the other Swedish barnacle balls.

Squidward hurled the barnacle balls at Dimentio. The can broke open and greasy barnacle meat was smeared all over the unfortunate jester's mask.

"Oh, YUCK!" Dimentio shrieked.

A few seconds later he was greeted by the canned bread.

Covered in food and filled with rage, Dimentio shot hundreds of beams of light at Squidward. At the same time, Squidward whipped out his clarinet and began playing abhorrent music.

SpongeBob didn't need anyone to tell him this time. He raced out of the room with nothing but the clothes on his back and the hopes that this next battle would be the final one.


	5. The Final Countdown

SpongeBob was all alone now. Behind him he had left his three best friends in the world with O'Chunks, Mimi, and Dimentio. He wanted to cry, but he knew that if he were to rescue Mr. Krabs and the Formula, he would have to face his fears.

After roaming through a complicated maze, SpongeBob soon found himself in a gigantic room with several platforms.

A small woman with a pink bun, orange-rimmed glasses, a ruffled white blouse, gray slacks, and blue skin walked up to the sponge.

"Welcome, hero," she said in a calm, cool voice.

SpongeBob's confidence returned. "Oh, do I have to fight you?"

"Nope. I'm just here to tell you that the Count is ready for battle."

The yellow sponge literally melted. "N…now?" he whispered.

"Yep. By the way, my name's Nastasia. Got it?"

SpongeBob pulled himself together. "Yeah…"

"Good." Nastasia hopped daintily onto a platform and called up to the ceiling. "'K, Count…he's ready."

"'He,' you say? Not 'they'?"

Count Bleck drifted toward the ground. "Where are your little friends, youngster?" he sneered.

"Well, you see, it all started when Patrick tried to beat up that big tough guy. Then Sandy—she's the squirrel—got in a tussle with the little green girl. And Squidward got in a fight with that scary magician. So I decided to—"

"ENOUGH!" Count Bleck and Nastasia yelled simultaneously, covering their ears.

"My, my, you sure can talk," the Count muttered.

"I know!" SpongeBob bragged. "I get it from my mom's side of the—"

"Please! No more!" Count Bleck begged. "Your passion for small talk is torturous!"

"I know it, Blecky ol' boy!" Plankton shouted, entering the room. "That kid's mouth has a mind of its own."

"_Plankton!"_ SpongeBob gasped. "Where's Mr. Krabs?"

At once the same flat cage blipped into view, with the old crab encased in it.

"SpongeBob!" he cried. "You came! Oh, but where are the others?"

"They—"

"SHUT IT!" Bleck screamed. "Now, can we begin?"

"Not so fast," a husky voice said. Patrick entered the room.

"P-Patrick!" cried SpongeBob. "You're alive!"

Sandy came in, too. "I knew y'all wouldn't survive long without me."

"Now all we need is Squidward," SpongeBob remarked.

To the heroes' delight, Squidward fell from the ceiling and landed on his tentacles. But something was different about him. He was dressed in all black and had a bandanna tied around his face.

"Ooh, Squidward, I love your new out—"

SpongeBob didn't get to finish his sentence due to the tentacle that slapped his face. His eyes filled with tears and his lips quivered.

"Oh, no! Did the poor invertebrate get hit by his friend?" a horribly familiar voice jeered.

Dimentio, Mimi, and O'Chunks appeared on their platforms.

Sandy narrowed her eyes. "What have y'all monsters done to Squidward?"

"Ahaha; oh, Miss Squirrel, your little buddy is no longer the cephalopod you know as Squidward. He is…"

Faux-Squidward spun around and pumped his fist. "MR. S!"

The three friends clutched each other's hands.

"Yes…YES!" Plankton howled. "Perfect, PERFECT!"

"Bleh-heh-heh! Great job, my minions."

"Any time, Count!" Dimentio responded cheerfully. "AHAHAHA!"

Mimi and O'Chunks roared with laughter, too. "BWAHAHAHA!"

"MUAHAHAHA!" Plankton howled.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Nastasia chuckled.

"BLEH-HEH-HEH-HEH!" the Count guffawed. "Let the battle begin!"

Nobody knows who threw the first punch. Some say it was Patrick, aiming at SpongeBob on accident out of panic and fear. Pretty soon every single person and creature was rolling on the ground in either attack or defense. That is, everyone but Nastasia, who recorded the action on her clipboard, and Mr. Krabs, who watched helplessly from inside the cage.

Mr. S was rather agile for an octopus in a ninja costume. But he was no match for Sandy, who was going squirrel-sheet crazy on the enemies.

The air was filled with the sound of whooshing magic and spirit yells and cracking bones (mainly from the turning of Mimi's head). Plankton had already been squished under the multiple pairs of feet, but he still counted on Bleck's army to help him win.

SpongeBob grabbed the Count's cape and yanked it off, displaying the purple void underneath. The Count attempted to wave his scepter around, but it was no use; Sandy had already joined the fight.

The squirrel pinned the villain to the ground. "C'mon, you old coot! Give up already!"

"My…minions…will destroy you…"

"I don't think so," Sandy boasted, pointing to the miserable heap of jester, brute, spider, and squid in the corner.

She pressed down harder on the Count's throat. "Free Mr. Krabs now!"

"No…please…"

Suddenly two white flashes blinded everyone for a second. A horrible screech sounded, and the cage broke open. A small bottle with a rolled-up piece of paper inside it appeared beside the unconscious Count.

Everything was quiet now. The villains were crumpled up on the ground and Mr. Krabs hobbled over to the platform where Sandy, the Count, and the Formula lay.

"Sandy!" Mr. Krabs sobbed. "Oh, thank ye! And—where are the others?"

Patrick was crying in a corner. On his lap lay a very weak SpongeBob.

"Oh, no!" Sandy gasped.

"Me boy!" Mr. Krabs wailed. He crawled over to the dying sponge. "Can—can ye hear me, lad?"

"Come closer…" SpongeBob croaked.

"What is it, boy? Mr. Krabs asked.

"I…I…I RIPPED MY PANTS!"

"Oh, SpongeBob!" the others laughed shakily, leaning in for a group hug.

"Ugh…what happened?" Squidward moaned, sitting up and rubbing his temples.

"You weren't yourself. You were all scary and mean," Patrick explained.

"You were brainwashed," SpongeBob said.

"Hmm…" Squidward looked at the unconscious minions beside him. "Was I a good fighter?"

"I knocked you out on the first punch," Sandy said.

"Hmph," Squidward grunted.

Sandy noticed a petrified Nastasia still standing on the platform beside her. "What're you lookin' at?" she demanded.

"N-n-nothing, Miss…uhh…" Nastasia was clearly terrified.

"Want me to finish you off, cupcake?"

"I-I'll go now," Nastasia stammered. She quickly scurried off her platform and tended to the Count.

"Let's get out of here, before they wake up," Squidward said, standing up and brushing himself off. Dimentio stirred on the ground near him.

"WAIT!"

Everyone turned to loom at SpongeBob.

"What about Plankton? He's one of us, too, and we…we can't just _leave _him here. We have to take him back to Bikini Bottom."

"I have an idea," Mr. Krabs chuckled.

He scraped up what remained of Plankton and dropped him into his pocket. "There! Now you can go home and not cause any trouble. Don't worry, I'll drop you right off at the Chum Bucket. Ar-ar-ar-ar!"

"Curse you, Krabs!" Plankton yelled in a muffled voice.

"So how're we gonna get home?" Patrick wondered.

"Good question," Squidward agreed.

Sandy glared at Nastasia.

"Oh—right," the little secretary squeaked. She tipped her glasses, and the sea creatures (plus Sandy) were swept up in a blue wave. They woke up in the Krusty Krab, where the journey began.

"We're…home!" SpongeBob said.

"Home sweet home!" Mr. Krabs chortled. He pulled the Krabby Patty Formula from his pocket and gingerly locked it back up in its safe.

"And now, I'll do the honors." The old crustacean pulled Plankton from his pocket and flicked him, causing him to soar all the way across the street and through the doors of the Chum Bucket. Everyone could hear Karen's nagging voice for days afterward.

In the words of some famous dude, "All's well that ends well".

THE END


End file.
